Ninth Blog Post: Communication and Mutual Problem Solving

This week in class we learned about communication and mutual problem solving. We discussed good reasons not to open up your communication with someone and the 5 secrets of effective communication.

The first thing we discussed was good reasons as to why you shouldn’t communicate with someone. We got into small groups and shared our thoughts. The first reason that my group came up with was safety. A good reason to not open up to someone would be if you don’t trust them. For example, if you are in an abusive relationship. If you open up and say something they don’t like, it could trigger aggression in your partner and result in abuse. The second reason we came up with was it could create more conflict. If communicating will just cause more problems maybe you shouldn’t talk about it. A good saying to go with this would be “somethings are better left unsaid.”

After we were finished in our groups, we shared our ideas out loud. Some other valid reasons were bad timing, risk, too hard, guilt, backfire, manipulation, etc. For bad timing, it could be better if said sooner or later depending on the situation. It may just not be the right time. As for risks, it is innate for people to be scared of taking them. We are scared because we don’t exactly know the outcomes of the risk we want to take. It may be too hard to take the risk to say what we need to say to someone. Another reason is guilt. We may feel guilty about what we have done and are ashamed to share it, so we don’t. These are all good reasons not to open up. However, it is almost always better to open up than to keep things a secret.

The next thing we discussed were the 5 secrets of effective communication. The first secret is the disarming technique. The disarming technique is to find truth in what the other person says. You for yourself has to discern between what they say is false and what they say is true. The second secret is empathy. You have to try and understand how they feel and empathize with them. The third secret is inquiry. Inquiry would be to ask questions to clarify that you understand what they feel. You shouldn’t just sit back and assume how they are feeling. You should be straightforward and ask them what they feel. The fourth secret is “I feel” statements. This is where we express our own thoughts. We listen to them and give them our advice or opinions. The fifth and final secret is stroking. Stroking is to have genuine respect, care, concern, and/or admiration for that person. You have to make sure that you genuinely want to listen and help that person. 

You’ve probably heard the saying that “communication is the key to a healthy relationship.” This is so true. Those who are able to communicate and solve problems more fluently have a much more happy and smooth relationship. Those who don’t communicate have a much more complicated and rough relationship. For example, my parents have the best relationship because they communicate what they feel with each other. However, it wasn’t always like that. In the beginning, my dad had a very hard time communicating because of the way he was raised. Him and his siblings didn’t talk about their feelings. It took some time for him to open up and it was something my mom had to help him with. Because they were able to work at it together, their communication with each other is one of the best I’ve seen. 

Sixth Blog Post: Dating and Marriage Continued

    This week in class we continued to talk about dating and marriage. We still discussed the importance of going on dates and getting to know people better. We also still discussed the importance of marriage. Something new that was introduced was creating great relationships, stress and prayer, and what goes hand in hand within the 4 steps of a relationship.

    On the board, my professor wrote Date- to know, to grow, to show. What I perceived from this is that when you first start going on dates with someone, you get to know them. You learn about their interests, hobbies, likes, dislikes, family, etc. They also get to learn these things about you as well. Once you reach courtship, you grow together. You will go through disagreements, trials, and won’t always see eye to eye. You will have to rely on each other and overcome it together, leading to growth in the relationship. Lastly, I think to show means that people will recognize how strong the love you have for each other is and it shows them the incredible bond you share. 

    Another thing he wrote on the board was Create- great friendships, great experiences, great marriage. Creating great friendships starts with being outgoing and friendly. When you are outgoing and friendly, people feel comfortable being around you. It allows them to have fun and makes them feel welcomed. This will lead to you hanging out with them which will create a friendship. When you have created a friendship with someone, you’ll most likely have great experiences with them. For example, some of my greatest experiences with my friends include going camping at the beach, staying up late at night conversing, and even being here at college. These experiences will create memories that will last you a lifetime. Lastly, creating a great marriage. Marriage isn’t easy and it’s something you’ll have to work on for the rest of your life. You get out what you put into it. If you make your marriage a priority, you will see it succeed. Like Elder David R. Bednar said at a Devotional from a few weeks ago, “you do not find the perfect marriage or the perfect partner, you create it.” 

    Dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. We discussed what went hand in hand with these four steps in a relationship. With dating comes knowing and becoming. You’ll get to know each other and hopefully you’ll become better and happier people. With courtship comes knowing and practicing. You’ll continue to get to know each other better but will start to practice things that you would do if you were to get married. With engagement comes wedding and marriage preparation. You’ll start planning for your wedding and preparing to share your lives together. With marriage comes the question, should I? Now that you are married, you can no longer think about yourself.You have to think of what’s best for your spouse as well.  Before you make a decision, you have to ask yourself should I? If it doesn’t benefit both yourself and your spouse, you probably shouldn’t do it. 

    With all relationships comes stress. It is unavoidable. What is a good way to help relieve stress? Prayer. Praying for strength, help, and peace can help to relieve stress. When you ask God for something, he will give it to you when he feels it is best. A good quote to go along with this is from Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf. He says, “God cares about you. He will listen. He will answer your prayers.” God is peace and can help you get through stress. Just remember, stress is only temporary and will go away.