Fifth Blog Post: Dating and Marriage

    This week in class we learned about marriage. We learned that 60-80% of Americans cohabit and are 3x more likely to get divorced. We discussed that couples who cohabitate don’t share everything like how married couples do. They keep most of their lives separate. For example, they have separate jobs and pay their own bills. They usually just live in the same residence. It is the total opposite for married couples. Once you get married, you share everything with your spouse. For example, the same last name, finances, car, etc. A good saying for this would be “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours.” 

    This week in class we learned about dating. We learned that people don’t go on dates as much as before, but we dating is a good thing. Dating allows you to meet more people and see what you like and don’t like in a person. Many people think that in order to go on a date, you need to know the person beforehand. But that is not the case at all. The whole reason for going on a date is to get to know someone. 

    It is good to plan when going on a date. You will be able to experience how that person reacts in certain environments and situations. It is also more fun when you plan things. You can plan activities that might be new to the person and can help them get out of their comfort zone. It is not good if you stay in the same environment and do the same things. We discussed that if you do this, you can really only see the person in one way. You will only talk about the same things and it will probably be things that aren’t important or help you see if you really like the person. 

    KNOW-QUO: I=T+T+T. This is the know-quo formula. The first T stands for talk. This is the stage where you share your experiences, thoughts, and feelings. You get to know each other a little bit better. The second T is togetherness which is where you share a variety of activities. This is the stage where you go on dates and have fun. The last T is time and this is the stage where you really get to know the person more. You continue to talk and go on dates. We learned that it takes a minimum of 3 months to get to know someone.

    In class, we did an activity where we got into groups and listed down three traits we want in a partner. The three traits that my group and I came up with was fun, hardworking, and kind. I believe that this is a pretty good list of traits that I’m pretty sure everyone wants in a partner. 

Some tips for going on more dates is by associating yourself with different groups of people. Another tip is for girls to ask guys! I know that may seem weird since it’s always guys asking girls but switch it up! Guys like when girls ask too. It shows them that the girl isn’t afraid to go after what they want. Always say yes! Never turn down a date. Even if you don’t like the person, you’ll make a new friend and gain new experiences. The main point is to go on dates and have fun! 

The last thing I’d like to share is a quote that Elder Bednar shared with us at devotional. It is “You don’t find the perfect relationship, you create it.” Marriage and relationships always take work. It is hard but it is possible.

Third Blog Post: Class System and Immigrant Families

Class system: a category or group of persons having a definite status in society Many people believe that social class consists of three groups. Rich, middle, or poor. But what makes someone determines the class you’re in? Well, a bunch of factors. Let me list them: income, age, looks, clothing, belonging, behavior, manners, career, location, education, family size/ structure, culture, rules, customs, achievements, etc. 

To prep for class this week, we watched a few short clips for homework regarding certain families and their social standing. There was one in particular that really stood out to me and it was a lady named Tammy. She had two sons, one in high school and the other around early teen ages. They lived in a tiny trailer on a grassy field. Tammy was employed at Burger King and had no working car, so she walked 10 miles there and back to get to work. She also didn’t have much clothes, so she would wear her work shorts everyday. This family was definitely lower class. However, it was odd because her eldest son didn’t act like he was lower class. He would dress nice to school and was very popular. He wouldn’t let his little brother hang out with him and his friends unless the little brother dressed nice. He also would not let his friends over his house. He had planned to go to college and be successful. It was almost as if he was embarrassed about his family and living situation. He lived a totally different life when he went to school. Why am I sharing this story with you? This just shows that social class is not always how it seems. Just like Tammy’s eldest son, someone could look and act like they are from a higher class, but they could be just the opposite and vice versa. It can be perceived differently. 

We also learned about immigrant families. In class, we had a little bit of role play. People volunteered to be apart of a family that was from Mexico that was soon going to move to the U.S. The dad was going to make the move by himself first and work to send his family back money. When he got to the U.S., he lived with a few other men in a small apartment that were in the same situation. The mom had to find a job so she could save up money for her and her children. The daughter had stayed home and took care of the house, while the son hung out with friends and played soccer. Long story short, they made the move but it had a big effect on the family. It drove them apart. Both the dad and mom’s relationship with the children had greatly weakened due to them being at work all the time. The son got into drugs and hung out with bad people and the daughter closed herself up and stayed in the house most of the time. The family structure fell apart. They also had a very hard time adjusting to the American culture. There were new holidays and customs they needed to get used to. They missed their family and friends from back home. Because they didn’t speak english, they kept to themselves. They would only interact with other people who spoke spanish. 

What I took away from social status is that it is different for every person. Personally, my family is middle class. I had all the necessities needed in order to live and more, but I didn’t get all the wants. However, we were happy and that’s all that mattered. I think as long as you and your family are happy and well, your quality of life will be a lot greater. What I took away from Immigrants is that tough situations can either make or break the family. If you ever go through a tough situation, don’t let it break yours.

Second Blog Post: Theories

    Theory: an explanation; a set of logically related propositions that explain some phenomenon. In class this week, we learned about theories used when examining the family. 

The first theory we learned about and the main theory I would like to focus on is the systems theory. It is when the group must be analyzed as a whole but is composed of interrelated parts or individuals. The word system means one part of something influences the next part. When applied to this particular system, it means each person within the group influence each other and work together to maintain the system. An easy way to remember the systems theory is by the saying “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” There are specific people who form the system and have specific rules and roles. I know that my roles in my own family is the peacemaker, as well as the family clown. Even though the system is bound by rules, of course there are people who want to test the system and break those rules. For example, parents setting a curfew for their teenager. The teenager being a teenager will most likely break that rule and stay out past curfew. This theory is probably the most used theory amongst families. 

Subsystem: a self-contained system within a larger system. Within a system, there is usually always a subsystem. There could be at least one or there could be a couple dozen. It really just depends on the family. A few examples of a subsystem could be father/son, mother/daughter, mother/father, etc. In my family, I would say that I am in a subsystem with both my siblings and my parents. I am close to each one and we all share a different relationship. There are some things that I would rather go to my siblings about than my parents and vice versa. There is also something called executive subsystems, which is the leaders that make the decision. The most common executive subsystem is probably mother/father because they are the heads of the family. However, there are cases where it could be mother/son, mother/daughter or father/son, father/daughter. For example, single parents. If there is a single parent, that parent probably relies on their oldest child to help enforce rules and take care of the younger children. 

The second theory is the symbolic interaction theory. This theory is when an individual is influenced and shaped by their interaction experiences. That situation could either be beneficial or have consequences. With this theory, there is always a meaning to everything. An example that we discussed in class is holding hands. It could mean something different for both people. It could mean love for one person, but nothing for the other. 

    The third theory we learned about is the exchange theory. Think of this theory as a balance scale. It is when an individual “weighs” the pros and cons or costs and rewards of a situation.They determine if the situation is fair, appealing, or worthwhile. We usually attempt to keep the cost lower than our rewards in interaction. Some costs could be time, money, and emotional or intellectual energy. Some rewards could be emotional or intellectual gratification, money, a sense of security, or anything that’s a satisfying outcome of a relationship. 

    The fourth and last theory we learned about was the conflict theory. Conflict theory is when all societies are characterized by inequality, conflict, and change as groups within the society struggle over scarce resources. There are contradictory interests, needs, and goals amongst everyone, meaning that everyone cannot be satisfied. People often struggle with each other so they usually think about oneself. For example, a tenant and their owner. A tenant and their owner could have different views of how to live that could cause conflict to the relationship. 

    All of these theories have common concepts and notions. You will find similarities between each of them. The theory that I enjoyed learning about the most is the systems theory because I feel like it not only applies to my own family, but most families. Which theory applies to yours?